“Motivation, such an aggravation” – Sum 41 (Prepare for a ramble)

I think the sense of self-motivation was never instilled in me….isn’t that weird to think? Someone is supposed to teach you how to motivate yourself. I guess that would be considered as ironic….or just the way it is.

I’m at the point where the thought of performing well (in case you didn’t know, I’m a music major) doesn’t motivate me. It’s almost as if that really isn’t an option as much as it is the luck of the draw for me. Performing well (as well as just wanting to make yourself better) is supposed to motivate me to practice, but for some reason, those variables aren’t creating the right equation. Instead, I’ve psyched myself out of practicing, because it feels like no matter how hard I practice, the results don’t show it. Well, it doesn’t get any better when I don’t either.

And did I mention that I hate performing by myself? Well, I do. I barely do well with public speaking…

 

So…let’s get to the root of problem: my recital. More importantly, my up-coming recital jury, which pretty much decides whether or not if I get to have a recital. I’m not ready. That’s pretty much it. And I don’t have the motivation to kick it into gear…and it’s pass due to start kicking it into gear. I feel like I’m trying to sabotage myself…

Ugh…I’m going to do some math homework to make myself feel better